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Will a part of me always be in the closet for the rest of my life? Like seriously.. enough is enough already.. |
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Wow
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Oct. 5th, 2006 @ 03:13 pm
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So yea sometimes you go through life thinking that things are always going to be the same. You think that you are invisible to pain, suffering, disease anything. Then something happens and you can't believe it's you. I have been so incrediably selfish in thinking that I am going through "so much" when other people in this world, or even down the block from you are going through so much more.
I hope everything turns out ok... |
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So this weekend didn't go as well as I thought it would.
I went to Jen's house friday night and stayed over so that we could leave early saturday morning. Everything was going pretty smoothly, we get to the camp sight and not even five mintues pass and Jen pulls me into the tent and tells me one of her sister's friends didn't wanna share a blow up mattress with me because I'm a lesbian. Yea.
So that basically set the mood for my entire trip up there. I was so pissed. During the day it was kinda boring but when the night time came it was pretty cool. I think it was because we were all drunk and it's always a better time. I was actually kinda glad to leave, I couldn't be in the same place with that girl. She doesn't even fucking know me. And also, the fact that she knos I'm a lesbian makes me question who needed to tell her in the first place. I love how people fucking shoot out my business. Yea so I like girls, that's not all that I am. I do have a name.. I'm not Mel the lesbian. It's fucking annoying. Ariel does that shit all the time too. Don't even get me started on last night.
I guess I just need a super break from people. You know, sometimes I feel like I put up with too much and I'm really done being a fucking push over. It's getting really old. I'm tried of people treating me like a little kid, I'm tired of people saying shit that really needs to be kept to themselves. It's all really ridiculous. It's like a fucking slap in the face.
I can't wait for my vacation. I miss my family a lot. |
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Ok so I have like 15 min till class starts so I'll do a lil update. It's been a while ne ways
So life is great. School is ending next week, which I'm very excited about because I get to sleep in until work for once. The pressure will be off and I'll actually get to enjoy my weekends w.o having to worry about the fact that I have work due on Monday. I AM doing some crazy procrastination tho. It's all gonna bite me in the ass though. Oh well.
Life is treating me right, recently like within the past two months, I got two pretty cool people back into my life. I'm taking it slow because I feel like it's really delicate at this stage and I don't wanna mess ne thing up with either one of them because I do care for both of them a whole lot. But it's exciting because I feel like things are going to be drama free for once, which is amazing.
Ariel's back from school which makes me ultra happy. I'm going up Friday to hang out with her and then we are driving back to the Bronx on Saturday to go to a mother's day bbq at Chris' uncle's house. It should be fun. Hopefully they won't make too much fun of Ariel, but I'd love it if they did.
Me and Jen booked are flight to Puerto Rico. Were going in June. I can't friggen wait. A whole week in the sun, and I get to see my grandparents, who I reallllly miss a lot. And some other family memebers who I haven't seen in years, so it's going to be great. Then wen I get back, there is only gonna be like two more weeks at after school and then summer camp starts. I'm actually really really sad about not going back to Asphalt Green this summer. I'm gonna miss all my really cool peeps :( But I still keep in touch with Thomas and Cristal so I will be visiting but I know it won't be the same...
Yea so I don't think my mom is moving back upstate. Yea I know, she's up and down, I can't figure it out either. But I know we are moving out of our house which I'm really sad about..
I'm moving out though, I have to, in order to keep both of our sanities.
What else? I don't think ne thing else..I'm a happy person :) |
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I hate ignorance.
I got a new tattoo btw.. I'm trying to upload it onto the computer and i'll post it on face book. It's pretty sweet and it didn't even hurt.
ok.. that's all for now
Apr. 15th, 2006 @ 10:13 pm
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| » Yeah ok |
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So recently.. my mom is in Paris.. i hate her for that. She still hasnt called me to say that shes ok. I worry a lot.
Last weekend at Christian's was fun. Jen bought me the "Friends Scene it" game and we played it on and I won of course, but Cody was a good competitor. (I can't spell). Then I was drunk, and played beer pong, and spilled beer like every five seconds. Then I went to sleep. I needed that night, you have no clue.
School is going ok, I'm actually trying to do well this semester. I've missed classes here and there, but since I'm covered for financial aid this semester, I can't miss a lot so I've dragged my ass to my classes. Next week is spring break. It will be a nice break from school but I'll be working from 8-6 everyday so I won't get any sleep or free time, but I will get a nice fat check.
In another week or so I'm looking to get another tattoo. Then when Ariel gets her hot ass back from Alfred, I'll be getting my last tattoo for a really long time. I think the next one will be if my mom ever decides to get one (which is gonna be never) or if I have children (which is prob gonna be never lol). I think I'm done being a walking art show. haha
So yea my dad's house last weekend was ugh.. can't even explain. It was ok. But that situation is really shitty.
You know it's funny how my ties back to Carmel always come back around. I keep seeing Jess' dad everywhere I go. Sometimes I think I have a better relationship with him than with her. Thats awesome...or not. Maybe she's doing fine. I wish we could talk. I kinda miss our "hoe" days more than ever now.
My sister is growing up way too much, I can't take it. She's so big and smart.. it's crazy. I think I might like her a little now. I'm not sure yet. I'll see how that goes.
Ben moved to Brooklyn so thats cool. He's still pretty far from me but I'm sure I'll see him more. If he's not mad at me for the message I left him on myspace. I forgive u Benny.. sry if I was a bratt. Maybe I'll make you some brownies when I come over.
Speeking of brownies and Benny... I really miss Kat. We spoke the other day about visiting Ben. Sisterrr I miss you.
Speaking of missing people.. Kayla you suck. We need to hang out. The End.
Maybe I should go to class now.. you kno. Astronomy is awesome! or not.
ok.. I think I'm done. Livejournal is really something else..
Two fingas like a playa
peace
Apr. 6th, 2006 @ 09:29 am
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| » All I have to say is... |
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uh oh..
Not again..wtf is going on???
Apr. 3rd, 2006 @ 07:41 pm
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| » Great B-day |
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So I have to say that today was one of the most relaxing birthdays I have had. I took a day off from my busy week.. stayed home alone today and just hung out and watched movies in my pajamas all day. I thought about a lot of stuff.. had a chance to clear my head it was pretty amazing.
Then I found a live Melissa Etheridge councert on tv and I was flipping out cuz I love her.. so I'm jammin to that. .and my doorbell rings and I get these a package. So I open it up.. and as I'm listening to Melissa Etheridge I'm putting these amazing Lilies that Kayla got me in a vase. It was just awesome.. the whole room automatically smelled great.. and the sun was out.. it was cool.
After that I went quickly to Dunkin Donuts and got some munchkins for the kids at my job and had Chris drive me there real quick so that I could drop them off. They all came up to me and gave me huge birthday hugs and were excited that I stopped by. It made me feel good.
I got back home and there was balloons and my mom making awesome dinner. My family and some friends stopped by and we all had dinner, shared some stories.
In between all of that all my friends called, left me messages. And I'm really glad because for a minute I didn't think that certain people rememberd but they did and now I feel okay about everything. My friends are cool :)
Thank you guys so much for messages, phone calls, everything.
My birthday I have to say was amazing :)
Mar. 28th, 2006 @ 10:54 pm
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| » I'm 20 today |
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..and that's werid
Mar. 28th, 2006 @ 10:50 am
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